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It's 2am and I can't seem to sleep. That seems to happen a lot these days. I can't decide if its just because of the crazy sleep pattern I put my body in trying to do 8hr shifts of study per day like a normal job- it mainly being 11am-2pm then 7pm-12am, or, if its something else. 

When I got back from Poland, I felt like I had just been a victim in a classic scene in a horror film. The scene where the girl hides under a bed and gets comfortable and then gets dragged away into hell where she will most likely die. So my immediate thought was, I want to get back under that bed. I want to go back to Europe and live there again and i made a snap decision that i was moving to london! In march 2014! Because I had become comfortable living in Poland. And for a moment (or several moments) I thought it was real life. And realising it wasn't when I came home was earth shattering. But it wasn't. It was one giant stretched out holiday. But some parts of it were real. Europeans and how they live:

A different climate, culture, language and country can be less than an hours plane trip away at any time. 

Diversity is everywhere. 

It's the northern hemisphere. 

Zara. Pull and bear. Urban outfitters. River Island. Clothes stores, yes. But an example of the creativity and advanced fashion that doesn't reach australia for half a year. 

Anyway. I've wrote too many bitchy blogs about coming home lately but this isn't one of them. Because as much as I wanted to runaway back to Europe, I knew deep down it was just post-holiday syndrome/tasmanian winter depression and as soon as summer came rolling in, I would automatically fall back in-love with my glorious birthplace. If my ruler is emotion then it's rebellion is logic. 

And yes, like clockwork, that is what is happening. It's spring now and the scenery is gorgeous (even if we do still get flash-flooding, I'm even starting to like that). Just when you set yourself up for it to be a horrible day, the sun starts to shine and nek minute your frolicking around the park in shorts. 

So now I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confused. And I've never been more unclear on a decision in my whole life. Even when I decided I wanted I travel Europe or India, I made the decision and never even wavered. But this time is different. This is longer than ever. It would be years this time. 

With my career, if i take it across the world and I start it in London for that amount of time, there's a very good chance I won't come back. A very good chance. There's the logic's rebellion over turning Mr.Emotion, because in reality that makes this not just another travelling experience, that makes it an ultimate life decision. Scary. 

But anyway, I will complete my degree in three weeks or so, with so much to do in that time. "This is your final year, perfection must be achieved. ______ passes will be the ones that fill the requirements but won't get hired. Employers look at your third years marks, only". So pressures on. But hopefully when this is over, I hope to frolick about Tassie and do some filming, write more and record some songs so stay tuned. Oh, and also think about what the frock I'm going to do with my life! 

If you have any advice for me or just want to tell me what I should do, LET ME KNOW! I need direction.