The Challenge Is..... Returning Home

What happened to me over the last 6 months to make me really hate my old life so much? I had fun here didn't I?

I feel so thrown.

I don't understand whats happening to me. I hate every single minute of every single day that I'm here. I keep trying to make myself feel better by thinking of crazy solutions to this crazy mind frame. Like "I'm only here on a holiday" and "I'll go back to my 'real' home soon". But they are all lies. And they all go through the same process of making me feel better and then realising the truth again.

I've been overseas on long stays now 3 times. The first time i went away to Europe, i was so home sick. I couldn't wait to get home and cried with happiness when i got there. The second time was to India. And i came back mildly depressed (crying in the taxi on the way to the Bangalore Airport) but i was still so happy to see everyone and was really happy to be home.But those times were only 3 months.

This time was different.

This time, it was Poland for 6 months. 

Yeah i got home sick but i never really wanted to come home like i wanted to come home on my first Europe trip. I love my home here (Devonport, not Launceston, Launceston is a hole) and I did want to come back to my beautiful house, my beautiful family and friends. I love it here and my life in the summer rocks but I think I just got accustomed to living in Europe and living here is so different and that's why everything annoys.

I also feel like my life is immediately less interesting and therefore I cannot justify writing any blogs because how could anyone be possibly interesting in my 'go to school, come home, eat, gym, sleep' routine. But fun times do still happen, don't you worry. 

I'm sure all of this is because of post Erasmus depression or because of the transition from hot European summer to dreary Tasmanian windy raining and apparently flooding winter. 

I'm not stupid. I do recognise the beauty we have here, of most of which is natural environmental beauty but I find myself getting so angry at the way of life here. 

Like riding my bike to school here is a nightmare and I long to be transported back to Copenhagen where bikes are higher respected in society than cars.

But I strive to recognise this beauty and so my challenge is this; I will still blog and i will desperately try to open my eyes to this beauty. 

Wish me luck. 


My favourite thing about home is waking up to the birds outside of my window, in my cosy warm bed, with my window slightly frosted over and the sun peeking through. And my mum's beautiful garden to look down on.

**edit from one year later:

I can say that my attitude to life now is a lot better. I no longer hate 'every single minute of every single day that I'm here'. Although, I do have to say that this trip to Poland definitely disturbed something within me. I don't know if i could explain it but it changed me, and i don't even know if for the better. Im loving life again and have moved to Melbourne. I hardly ever think of Poland/Europe now compared to what i did when i wrote this. But still, every time someone mentions it i leap at the chance to return. I have been researching and looking into ways of getting back there without even realising I'm doing it. 

I felt more like myself there. Its so hard to explain but its almost as if because I've grown up here, its shaped me into a certain person and people have developed their idea of me a long time ago. I am who I am but over there i could be whoever i wanted to be.